Mediation

Alternative dispute resolution and its techniques are needed now more than ever to promote a more peaceful and equitable world.

How we approach conflict in our daily lives affects how we approach conflict collectively. From our most personal internal conflicts to those on the global stage, rather than fear conflict we must re-frame it as an opportunity to learn something new about our relationship partners, community, and the world.

What is mediation? Why mediate?

Mediation is a process where parties in conflict explore solutions together with the help of a mediator, who acts as a neutral third party. A mediator does not represent any of the parties and does not decide or dictate any agreements among the parties. Rather than pitting sides against each other, the parties work together to solve a shared challenge.

The ultimate goal of mediation is for the parties to craft a solution or agreement that is a win-win, or at least something everyone can live with. When all parties to the conflict feel heard and are able to participate in the process of conflict resolution they are more likely to create a realistic solution they can stick to. Parties who mediate are also more likely to move forward in a framework of respect with far less bitterness about the process and one another.

That ability to maintain a functional, respectful relationship is especially beneficial where parents will necessarily continue to be in each other’s lives as they co-parent children. Similarly, mediating family disagreements, elder matters, business disputes, and neighbor, neighborhood, and community conflicts increases the likelihood of productive, positive relationships among the parties moving forward.

Mediation empowers the parties to resolve their conflict in their own unique way. I like to think of my role as a mediator as being a guide on your path through conflict. My role isn’t to fix the problem for you or tell you what to do, though I may offer up ideas and ask questions to help you get there. My role as a mediator is to help the parties get “unstuck” from their usual patterns of communication that are getting in the way of forging a workable, mutually acceptable solution to their shared problem.

Keep control

When you choose mediation to resolve conflicts you maintain more control over the outcome. When you choose litigation, the outcome will be determined by a judge or jury.

Save money

Mediation is far less expensive than litigation. For example, a contested divorce will likely cost the parties at least $20,000, and possibly a lot more. In contrast, divorce mediation is likely to cost $3,000 – $5,000.

reduce future conflict

A mediated agreement is created by and for the parties. Because the parties have ownership of the terms, they are more likely to craft an agreement that reflects their values and is realistic for them to stick to.

how is mediation different from litigation and arbitration?

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what types of disputes can benefit from mediation?

Mediation can be a helpful tool for navigating many types of conflict, for example:

divorce, uncoupling, and co-parenting
intra-family disputes (e.g., housing arrangements, “house rules,” financial matters, education matters)
elder issues (e.g. taking away car keys, moving to assisted living, medical and financial decision-making)
neighbor, neighborhood, HOA/POA, and community conflicts
landlord-tenant disputes
business and employment matters, especially where the parties want, need, or must continue to work together

frequently asked questions:

Q: If a mediator does not decide anything or represent any of the parties, why not simply “work it out on our own” rather than pay a mediator?

A: The mediator is essentially there to help keep the parties talking and guide them as they develop their own solutions to their shared conflict. If the parties were able to work it out on their own, they likely already would have and wouldn’t still be in conflict. Anyone can go to the gym and work out on their own, and for some people that works great. But others benefit from the guidance and accountability that paying a personal trainer adds to the equation. If it feels like you’re having the same argument over and over without making any progress, you might benefit from bringing a mediator into the mix to help you get unstuck.

Q: What do you charge for mediation? How does it work?

A: My general rate is $500 per two-hour mediation session. Parties pay up front at the beginning of each session (cash, check, or credit cards accepted). In my experience, many family law matters can be mediated in 3 sessions, spaced a couple of weeks apart. For divorce/uncoupling, often the parties wish to have a written memorandum of understanding (MOU) prepared documenting their agreements, for which my usual charge is $1,000. (This may vary based on the complexity and time involved and is always discussed up front, no surprises.) The parties may then take their MOU to a family law attorney and request that the attorney initiate uncontested dissolution proceedings in accordance with the division of property and co-parenting terms the parties have agreed. Of course, the parties may always attend mediation sessions with their own attorney present if they wish and it is always advisable to have one’s own attorney review any agreement before signing.

Q: Where are mediation sessions held? What are your hours?

A: Virtual mediation sessions may be held via Zoom from the comfort of each party’s home or office. In-person sessions can be arranged locally in Florida or elsewhere by special arrangement. While business mediation is likely to take place during normal office hours, I understand that for family and other non-business matters taking time away from work to attend mediation may be an extra expense and stressor during an already stressful process. Therefore, I maintain a high degree of flexibility to hold sessions during evening and weekend hours to accommodate a variety of schedules.

Q: How long are mediation sessions?

A: It depends. For most matters 2 hours is a sweet spot. It’s enough time to get into the meat of the problems, but going past the two hour mark people tend to get tired and the process isn’t as productive. Mediation is not therapy or marriage counseling, but it can be an emotionally charged and emotionally exhausting experience. Especially for family and relational matters, having some time between sessions to gather information, and digest and reflect on the discussions can be very helpful in moving forward and crafting the best solution for the challenges posed. At the other end of the spectrum, a contentious litigation matter on the eve of trial might involve long days, back to back, with multiple parties and attorneys and the mediator engaging in “shuttle diplomacy” (where the parties sit in separate rooms and the mediator “shuttles” between them communicating offers and counter-offers). The beauty of mediation is that there is no one-size-fits-all approach.